Getting Back Into Dating Pillows

'I'm getting back into the dating scene. What's the protocol these days...is it him or me who texts first during dinner?'

"Not on a first date! That's fine by me, I've been on lots of dates."

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

Singles Bar

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Tasty.

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I have to confess, I've been seeing other virgins."

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

Dan, Carla's interests include brooding over failed relationships and fending off her mother's pleas for grandchildren. Carla, Dan is terrified of commitment and has a negative bank balance."

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

'Nah! He's not my type.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

Dorothy and the singles bar

'So -- how did your date go? 'Lousy! -- She tried to impose her moral standards on me!'

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Actually, I'm not long back on the dating scene myself."

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic

I always strike out on blind dates

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

"Dude...Smiley wants to meet me for a burger...maybe it means she's hungry."