Getting Back Into Dating Gifts

'I'm getting back into the dating scene. What's the protocol these days...is it him or me who texts first during dinner?'

"Not on a first date! That's fine by me, I've been on lots of dates."

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

Singles Bar

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Tasty.

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"I have to confess, I've been seeing other virgins."

Senior dating disasters.

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

Dan, Carla's interests include brooding over failed relationships and fending off her mother's pleas for grandchildren. Carla, Dan is terrified of commitment and has a negative bank balance."

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

'Nah! He's not my type.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

'So -- how did your date go? 'Lousy! -- She tried to impose her moral standards on me!'

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

Dorothy and the singles bar

"So we're cool? We can go on a date?"

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Dude...Smiley wants to meet me for a burger...maybe it means she's hungry."

I always strike out on blind dates