Re-entering Dating Gifts

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

Life is for the birds.

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"I've appeared in Eastenders."

Tasty.

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"Height is the only thing I'm capable of changing about myself."

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Hey! That's some facial cover-up job!'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

'Nah! He's not my type.'

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"I didn't put this in my personal ad, but I'm synonymous with Belgian cuisine."

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

Dorothy and the singles bar

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

"Not on a first date! That's fine by me, I've been on lots of dates."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

'So -- how did your date go? 'Lousy! -- She tried to impose her moral standards on me!'

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

"Actually, I'm not long back on the dating scene myself."

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic

"This is the dumbest idea ever! I'm just gonna call Estella and ask her what's up."

'Like I said in my ad - GSOH.'

'The date didn't go too well. I should have taken her to a place that had more challenging placemats.'

I always strike out on blind dates