Get Well Soon Squad T-Shirts

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

What the Doctor Ordered

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

Dogs

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

Cats holding letters up that spell out 'Hang in there'.

"Gesundheit!"

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'