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"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'You're grounded.'

"Angina, I've already had that. Can't I have something else?"

'It's worse than I thought: the frog in your throat has a frog in its throat.'

"Have you been suffering consternation?"

'Of course you don't feel any better. Two years ago I gave you six months to live. You do the math.'

'Medicare part C provides care for the headaches caused by parts A, B and D.'

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

'We've decided to keep the hip, and replace the rest of you.'

'Just remember I told you you'd be discharged really fast after surgery!'

'I'm afraid your complaining is chronic.' - 'I want a second opinion!!'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

"Nobody's picking on you. The injections are to help you get well. I'm sure the nurses don't enjoy it any more than you."

"Come quickly—I think I had an out-of-pocket experience."

"You tested positive for being negative."

'Bursitis.'

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."

Gingerbread man in Emergency room.

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

'Eat some grass, and call me in the morning.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'We'd prefer it if you got better.'

'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'

"It's arthritis. Probably caused from clinging to life."

"Phil, could I speak to you for a moment, not as your doctor but as your horse?"

Dear Medication, how are you? I'm feeling much better thanks to you?/ Finally she began responding to treatment.

'Now don't go out if it's windy.'

"Your heart is OK, but after all the tests we ran, your bank may need a transplant."