Germophobe's Ally Gifts

'Don't take this personally, Walter, but go home!'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

The Cougher

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

"The penicillin looks good."

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

Zika Epidemic

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'I know it's not around too much this season but I think I have swine flu!'

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Drive Thru Flu Clinic

"Interesting greeting ritual."

"Here comes someone now. If we're lucky they haven't had their fly shot, or won't wash their hands!"

"And from now on these staff meetings will be conducted online. You people are a breeding ground for germs."

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

The New Normal

"It's great to be back!"

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

Transmitting Swine Flu.

"See if our visitor is wearing a mask and listen for coughing while the door knob takes their temperature!"

"This is wonderful - a completely dust-free lab. What do you study here?"

'Those combination sink/urinals are great.'

'Don't mind my husband, he just wants to be 65!'

'Ricky, you're buying a stock that belonged to a total stranger? How do you know where it's been?'

"Gesundheit!"

"On the other hand, he never takes a sick day."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Cards: Get Well, Cover Your Mouth When You Sneeze.