German Language Teacher Gifts

'I'm afraid you have schweinhund flu.'

A Puppet Named Juan

Campaign for Plain English

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Punctuation Police

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Shakespeare was bisexual

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

Thomas Hardy

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

Sometimes Y Turn

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

Why do you direct the school musical, Mr. K? It's a privilege

Staff Yearbook

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

William Faulkner

We Will Beat Any Genuine Quote...

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

Lord Byron

Present Tense/Present Simple/Present Progressive/Present Perfect/Present Past.

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'