Germ-worrier Pillows

'Good evening, ladies and germs.'

'Gesundheit.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Ever killed a man?"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

'It's just the microscope dream again...go back to sleep.'

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"Everyone has to start somewhere."

'Ricky, you're buying a stock that belonged to a total stranger? How do you know where it's been?'

What do you mean "try jiggling the handle"?!

Covid Games

I'll have a pumpkin smoothie with the "Experimental Ebola Vaccine" boost. We don

I don't care if all your friends are going around, you're not going anywhere until your chores are done.

'What are YOU looking at?'

Swine flu immunity.

"Let's get married and start a global pandemic."

Employees must wash hands.

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

No, you can't approach the bench if you have a cold.

"Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook rules to live by?"

"....But....flu season's over."

I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping. Is your whipped hand-sanitizer organic? Totally. There's not a thing in it that can possibly hurt you. Can you BOIL the cookie just to be sure? That'll be extra.

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

"Needs more Purell."

"What's the temperature of the water?"

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

"Hey, buddy, can I bum a slip."

'What are YOU looking at?'