Germ-worrier Pillows

'Good evening, ladies and germs.'

'Gesundheit.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"Ever killed a man?"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"Everyone has to start somewhere."

'Ricky, you're buying a stock that belonged to a total stranger? How do you know where it's been?'

Swine flu immunity.

"Let's get married and start a global pandemic."

'What are YOU looking at?'

Covid Games

Employees must wash hands.

"Needs more Purell."

"Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook rules to live by?"

"....But....flu season's over."

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

"Hold on – you don't know whose paws have touched that butter board."

"What's the temperature of the water?"

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

No, you can't approach the bench if you have a cold.

"Hey, buddy, can I bum a slip."

'What are YOU looking at?'

'What did I tell you kids about swimming in the cement hole?'