Geriatric Flirt Gifts

"You have a beautiful smile. It would look great in a glass of water next to my bed."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Recess does things to a man."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

'I didn't know people still played footsie.'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."

"Agnes is so crushing on him."

Florida Wildlife Today's Featured Species is the Old Goat

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

"You are a very beauty woman. May I buy you a coke?"

'How could I have a girl in every port? I haven't been in every port.'

"When we go for walks, Young Master refers to me as his favourite "Chick Magnet": What does that mean?"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

Senior Pick-Up Lines

'I think the idea of an online dating service for seniors is fine. I just don't think we should name it, 'TimesRunningOut.com.''

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

May I carry your wireless eBook Reader to school for you?

'That girl speaks eighteen languages and she can't say 'no' in any of them!'

"But after Monica, I began to wonder... Maybe I've been looking for rejection in all the wrong places!"

"My Google Glass is up here."

"I'm liver spot spice."

"Well Carl, I usually like old school gentlemen, but..."

'He was a remarkable man.'

'Nice! Just throw the food on the dirty ground! Thanks, Lady!'

96 is the new 3.

'Do you want to play magic, , , We go to my house and have some fun, then you disappear,'

"Really? I've never known anyone in the phone book before."

"I'd like to date you instead. When's your down time?"