Genetics Gifts

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

'You're a selfish b***ard, Lewis! Those stem-cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!'

DNA Analysis.

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Congratulations, it's a Versace!"

The study found humans have only about twice the number of genes as a fruit fly. Of course, the data could be off a bit. It was done by researchers who had only about twice the number of genes as a fruit fly.

"Well, it certainly looks like your DNA. How many times have I told you to wear gloves before touching anything?"

'Keep this to yourself, Henderson, this will fund our research for the next ten years!'

'We've isolated the obesity gene down to one of these two.'

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism. Kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

"I'm afraid we can't insure you Mr Smith. It appears you carry the gene for insurance fraud"

'Sequencing? No, this baby tells us how much we can charge for genome data.'

"Your D.N.A. test shows you're predisposed to sue doctors."

Hospital chart 'GTACT...'

"As you can see from your genetic printout, you only think you' re depressed..."

"Genome, Henderson! We're working on the human genome!"

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

Profits from gene patenting.

'Our research shows that heredity and environment are both very significant, but that neither is as important as government regulation.'

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "Nothing. I'm going into stem cell research."

Vampires Into Stem Cells.

"Some genetic engineers we turned out to be!"

Preparing for Casual Friday at the Genome Lab

Fortunes - $25 and Genome sequenced - $2,500.

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

The Music of Life (in the key of dna).

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is in fact, a goat."

Mutant Jeans

"Cloning is all very well in theory, but do you have any proof it can actually work?"

Sperm donors - "They couldn't tell me anything about my genetic father apart from the fact that he was a frequent donor!"

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

'It's our latest genetic breakthrough. It does grow on trees, after all.'