General Election Gifts

'Something tell me they're expecting a low voter turnout.' (Polling station is a phone box.)

"We're on track for net zero."

Jumbo Paper Shredder

"We sent our postal vote to Santa, by mistake."

They're Not Just That Into It

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"Away with the warmonger!"

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Trump Poutine

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

An informed voter is a good voter

Elections

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'It's historic that the inauguration of a minority is now routine.'

The Russian Election.

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"I think it was an election year."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"