Genealogist Pillows

'I'm only interested in locating wealthy relatives.'

'I'm trying to prove we're not related to the kids.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"I got my DNA analysis back. Guess what - I'm a Hapsburg."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

'Scientists at the Human Genome Project have located a gene that makes us want to constantly look for our name on search engines.'

Geneology Service: 'I'm afraid you fall into our 'better off not knowing' category....'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

"We don't need to go that far into your background."

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'It's a coat of arms, not a logo.'

Man at desk researching through papers.

Genealogists, let us trace you family tree - "We've managed to trace your ancestors back to your Dave."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

Ancestry tracing service agency using a time machine.

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

Dysfunctional Family Tree.

'He's a genius in genetics, but he can't fold a genome map.'

'I'll grant your next wish as soon as I finish researching my Genie-Ology.'

"You remind me of someone. Oh, yeah, him"

'I'm sorry, but we only do people.'

'Find the rotter wot nicked our Christmas tree!'

The Genealogist

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

Family DNA

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"If it isn't genetic at all, but just the upshot of growing up in Jersey, will you still love me, Mona?"

"Neat ancestors - biological?"

Although Tall Enough to Play Basketball, Had There Been such a Thing, the Emperor Charlemagne Was the Son of King Pepin the Short

"My goodness, I had no idea people from California had ancestors!"

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."

"Ordinarily, I'm deeply, completely happy, ...then, wham! I remember we're related to chickens."