Gender Gap Giggler Gifts

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

She - Interpreter - He.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Get on with it!

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Fancy a pint?

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'Your bonus as promised.'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Cavemen Exhibit

Freeway exit signs: Regulation, Deregulation, Reregulation.

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'I'm with the band.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Black Hole Corks

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'I suppose you think you're better than your parents, mister I-Can-Walk-Upright?!'

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'