Gaze Analyzer Gifts

"I hate it when they dress you with their eyes."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

Hospital Departments

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

"You know what they say...'The desk makes the man.'"

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

Mystery Writer's Book Signing...Tell the Author How You Could Have COme Up With A Better Ending, 4-6pm.

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

Veteran using medals for an eye test.

Step into my office. We need to talk. About what? Does it matter? We need to talk is never good. We need to talk is a harmless phrase that isn't necessarily ominous. Well … ok, coming in. Collar grabbing is also a much-maligned gesture, don't you think? D'oh!

'Of course no one loves you as much as I do dear, unless you include yourself.'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

'Your eyesight is only 20/400, but your insight is fantastic!'

'See what I mean? Your eyesight's fine, you just don't look very good.'

The importance of having your Is tested.

'Maybe we should try it without the smile.'

"Well, looks like it's time for eyeglasses."

An optimist, a pessimist & an optometrist.

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

New Umpire Signals

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

"It's a common misconception that resting bitch face affects only women. Statistically, it's a man's disease."

He doesn't look sorry!

"First there will be some bad news... then things will get worse."

"Jehoshaphat! Look at that gait!"

"Too much beige."

"All the fans keep telling me that I'm blind as a bat!"

Stranded Chickens meeting Fox,"Is this your dream or our nightmare?"

"Always had difficulty expressing my anger. Even before the botox injections."