Vision Analyzers Gifts

An optimist, a pessimist & an optometrist.

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

Hospital Departments

"Yes, I am interested in taking a fresh look at my holdings."

See that leg? He's dreaming of chasing rabbits.

"I have a recurring nightmare where the paradigm keeps shifting without me."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

Wearing all black

'There are bankers under my bed.'

Sigmund Freud.

'Last night I dreamt in widescreen and colour, with director's commentary and added extras.'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

"Well, Mr. Swanson, I don't know that I can help you improve your standing in your focus group, but I can definitely check out your visual focus."

'Mr. Scrooge, I think we should talk a bit more about this dream you had...'

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...

'As soon as she's out zap her with the brain probe!'

The Seeing-Eye Squirrel

"I hate it when they dress you with their eyes."

'You're definitely a winter.'

Psychiatrist catches patient's hallucination.

"I've just had the most horrible dream!"

"Whoa, deja  vu!"

Veteran using medals for an eye test.

"I'm having these weird dreams about medical professionals delivering babies. . ."

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'