Gay Parents Pillows

Dads

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"He just said his first word!"

Father

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Fathers are Heroes

'...like a nappy in the wind...'

"Sorry Mom, but I really need to take this call."

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

"At high noon I'm takin' her to the zoo. How's one-thirty?"

Big book of memes

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

'We got rid of the baby monitor, We just sms the baby 'RUOK''

'Miss Harrison said it's a better report than the ones you used to get when you were in her class.'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

Beware of geeks bearing gifts.

'Sorry dear, I have to go straight to work tomorrow.'

"He's two onths old and already drooling at a four-month-old level."

"Have you noticed the kids never ask us anything since they learned to google?"

Sweets

"We should decide now whose career will suffer more once I give birth."

"Accepting the applause for Mr. Fontana—Mr. Fontana's mother."

"Congratulations! It's a doctor!"

Number of times your kids will wake in the night/Amount you have to do tomorrow

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"We've been admiring your fathering techniques."

"My parents are the same way. Lots of ostentatious child-rearing, very little direct nurturing."

"Aw, his first mobile..."

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

"Baby FOMO."