Gavel Goofball Gifts

It's not legal advice, but when a judge says "guilty," I wouldn't keep replying, "I know you are, but what am I?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

Shoot For The Moon

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

The Deaths take a selfie.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

I'm with stupid.

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

Time-space portal

(Can't) Count Dracula.

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'...Plus six months for breaking my little hammer!'

Must I also sing and dance?

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

'I hope you replace your divots!'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'Well, Frank, I've told you a hundred times to tighten your neck bolts, but do you ever listen? Nooo!'

'We had this one dyed especially for you, Your Honor.'

"Order! Order!"

Turtle bumps turtle: 'WHIPLASH!'

'Do not even think about it, Ron!'

You're making a mockery of justice, your honor. That's my turf! ! !

"A backflip with a full twist, handspray pike and a three quarter roll will do nothing to further your cause Mr Laney."

I don't like the way you carry yourself. I don't like the way you carry your gavel. But at least when I act like an idiot nobody gets a concussion.