Gastronomy Giggles Pillows

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"Something this big."

... Harold at the stomach pump.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"I might just get a pie."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

"There's a caterpillar in my food."

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"What will change my life?"

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

"Some volcano roll!"

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

"Leave room for sex."

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

Break Bread, Not Wind.

Turkey Goes Into Dressing Room and Comes Out Cooked