Gastronome T-Shirts

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

View to the Future

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Menu Dating

Important Food Groups

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"This is our soft opening."

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

The Main Types of Cheese