Gastronome Pillows

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

La Table

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

View to the Future

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Menu Dating

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

Benihana style of cooking.

"This is our soft opening."

The Main Types of Cheese

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

Before/After

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."