Satirical Gastronome Pillows

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'People soup again?'

"What will change my life?"

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."