Gastric Band Survivor Gifts

'There's no way I can manage a whole rat, now I have this gastric band.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

AGM - Just keep it boring.

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'Dewey is a cowboy's cowboy!'

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

Workaholics anonymous

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

Gastroesophageal reflux disease.

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"Judging by the noises your stomach is making, this app can suggest which restaurant to go to, and what and how much to order."

"I, too, get the twisties."

Man sees 'Back to the Eighties' poster, says "OMD!"

Common golf Problems: 'Worst slice I have ever seen!'

"My wife's so terrible at cooking, we pray after we've eaten..."

'Not you again. I thought you would've learned your lesson the last time.

'Free oven glove with every curry, sir.'

'Women? No, I joined up to forget fifteen men, the English Rugby team.'

AA Meeting: Still in denial. Please help.

"I don't know about you, but it feels like my life is on a downward trend."

"You'll have to excuse Trevor - he's always been shy."