Stomach Acid Survivor Gifts

Gastroesophageal reflux disease.

'Time for your pills.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

Fairy Tales. The piggy bank's been smiling a lot lately. He's the only one who didn't lose his savings in the stock market meltdown.

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

"Look, we're all thirsty. You don't see me whining about it."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Help me! I'm trapped. In a dead end job."

Tax grab.

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

'There is something wrong with the spinach. It tastes good.'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

'I'll be right with you as soon as I feed Buzzy.'

'If it's any consolation, your portfoilo is now in a far better place.'

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

'Since I lost my shirt on the stock market, I now only accept strong currency or gold bullion.'

"The tiny one treats the symptoms. The big one treats the side effects."

'Your portfolio took a beating...,but the good news is no humans or animals were injured.'