Garden Storytellers Gifts

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

The Environmentalist

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"I'm spooked - they don't want candy, they want ice water!"

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

Silhouette hawk swooping down to catch a silhouette rabbit.

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Dragon Recycling the Knights it has defeated

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

Polar Bear Paparazzi.

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

A Salmon Lie

If you left the window open and the light on when I was little, the room would fill with insects...

"Well, I deal with death and carrion every day: Laughing is a therapeutic way of avoiding depression..."

The Perfect Garden.

'What did you do with the apple I gave you yesterday?'

Littletown High School. And that's where Bubba Parker stomped me

"My landing gear won't come down. I have a cramp."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Before you attack, may I ask you to ensure that my twelve defenceless, soon to be starving kids, get my will?'

"We all agree something should be done and someone else should do it."

"Yes, I can remember when it was nothing but forest land as far as you could see."

Welcome,dear, to the Garden of Weedin.

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'