Garden Griper T-Shirts

Vine-Gripened Tomatoes

The Jeopardy of Progress

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Hardy Annuals

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Beginning Yarder.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"What are you in for?"

Barbecue

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Balding gnomes

'Where are you going?'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

Now THAT, my friend, is a beer garden!

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

'I warned Harry that he'd have a bad hair day if he got near that leaf blower.'