Garden Alchemist T-Shirts

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Rose Garden

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'That plant food really works!'

Medicinal plants

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

The Phantom Of The Garden

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"First you make a roux."

Olive Oil

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

"Oh no, it's Flash Garden!"

I bake my own bread.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

Baker

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"When you have a moment would you mind browning the meringue?"