Garden Alchemist Gifts

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Rose Garden

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'That plant food really works!'

Medicinal plants

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

The Phantom Of The Garden

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

Olive Oil

"Oh no, it's Flash Garden!"

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

"First you make a roux."

I bake my own bread.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

Baker

"When you have a moment would you mind browning the meringue?"