Garage Sale Strategist T-Shirts

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Kar Boot Sale (child's toys).

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"There's more inside."

Sales.

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Gerald Ratner's return

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

Entertainment systems

"Enough with the garage sales, Harold."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'