Gangster Goofball Gifts

Ostritch Gangsters.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

Shoot For The Moon

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Mobsters at the Beach

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Did you remember to whack the cat?"

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'When did mum stop just sending us to our room?'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."

"He was a top boy - he could light up a room just by setting fire to it."

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Mario's Family Portraits.

"Your resume indicates a fair bit of experience in the field of problem solving."

'Before you buy the gun can I ask if you thought about taking your cat to the vets first?'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

'The least you can say is thank you for checking the tides.'

"You're gonna put me on that Nice List. Capeesh?"