Game Day Gifts

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

"You're back! You're really back...!"

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

"You know, I never really thought to ask - I just assumed he knows they can't hear him."

Colin was always rigorous in his preparations for the big matches

"Today we're gonna find out what you're made of, Wienerschmidt!"

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

'He's the touch judge,,,,so I touched him!'

'We could have a problem here lads.'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

Football crowd cheer when goalie makes a save.

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

"My chips need more salsa."

"It may not be a balk, but it's something."

' Hey Honey? One honk for more chips, two honks for more beer, and three honks means clear the path to the bathroom.' Caption: the beginning of the end.

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'Dewey! Our starter's in trouble. Loosen up.'

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

'It's amazing what they throw away: a tracksuit, a dozen oranges and another 2-0 lead.'

'Remember, we're in red and yellow - all the rest are bad guys...'

Fourth quarter, four minutes on the clock, all tied up, and they're off! Will the Johnsons beat the traffic?!

'I don't know why, but food always tastes better at the ballpark.'

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

'I'm okay! Just tape me up and get me back in the game.'

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

Soccer Fans.

'I thought I would never find a place to park, dear.'

'We need to slow down and take our time getting into our hurry up offense.'

"Remember, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how well you stay hydrated"

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Another delay-of-game penalty because you're not e-mailing the plays fast enough.'