Gambling Jokester Gifts

'I had a bad day at the bookies-and you?'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

Cleaning the Horse

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"Bobby, you may have worked for a circus but that's not an excuse for playing with your food!"

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"We need someone who's responsible."

'The cat does like having something to scratch.'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'Vodka!'

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

'Finally, some help around the house!'

'There I was, balanced on the wire, juggling balls like crazy when this yo-yo in the crowd hits me in the eye with a peanut.'

'...that isn't clever and it isn't funny!'

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

'Choose rich parents.'

'You state on your resume that you want to work very little, but get paid a lot. I do appreciate your honesty.'

'Look at this advert. It looks exactly like my job.'

"Frankly, our dental plan bites."