Gambling Guru Gifts

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'If this works, it'll change everything. We could open a casino.'

'Lazarus, I'll raise you.'

'I've really been cleaning up in the Las Vegas poker rooms.'

Betting on $80 oil price.

'I suggest a short term cash investment. Lucky Lady 2.30 Newmarket.'

"This is de ja vu all over again. I lost my shirt at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City."

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Betting the Farm.

Jockey with blinkers.

Upon review of the finish photo, race officials discovered cheating on the part of Turf King.

"Rodney always gives the lottery balls a little extra lucky shake, just before the draw."

Vas Vegas Toilet - Looks like Fruit Machine.

"One thing about Earl - Earl knows when to fold."

"Me no invent wheel to be used for this!"

"Don't say goodnight yet, dear. If I don't win this next hand, you'll be going home with, Dave."

Recession tip-offs

"Today casino stocks dropped on news that what happened in Vegas was spotted in Atlantic city."

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Social Security Scratcher.

It takes money to make money.

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

For Sale sign combined with Fruit Machine - 'House Price Lottery'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

Slot machine with tip slot.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I can't see this gambling commission working"

'I'm afraid that was a definite no...there's no way the Inland Revenue will consider your suggestion of double or quits.'

'Kimbell, I'd like to take a look at our accounts.'

"It's lotto fever."