Gambling Gentleman Gifts

Bartender: 'Take it from me buddy,stay clear of that one.She's only interested in your money.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

Dogs and their thoughts

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

Little league world series of poker.

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Bribes for Jabs

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Dog in casino.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

Short-lived Neanderthal Games: Slap The Sleeping Dinosaur

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"Stag poker"

Slug roulette

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

Playing cards.

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'