Gamblers Gifts

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

'Well, Dad said he'd take me to the zoo, but the only animals were horses running around a track!'

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

"Your room has been comped."

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Dogs and their thoughts

Little league world series of poker.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Bribes for Jabs

'I don't like to take chances.'

Dog in casino.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

"Incidentally, my men's group has retrograded into a poker game."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Short-lived Neanderthal Games: Slap The Sleeping Dinosaur

"Stag poker"

Slug roulette

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies