Fruitful Gambler Gifts

Gambler wins lemons on fruit machne

'Well, that's 3 of my 7-a-day.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Dog in casino.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

Doctor's poker.

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

The Peacock Is Not Renowned For His Bluffing Abilities

'Will you make the final table?'

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

'Remember, guys... we've got to clean up this mess before the folks get home.'

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

A tortoise walks away from a poker game, having lost its shell.

You need to start formulating a plan to secure your financial future.

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

'...here are this week's lucky fur balls.'

'I thought she'd never leave.'

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

'My office is boarded up. Why do I get the feeling my boss is still made at me for beating him at poker over the weekend.'

Inventing the roulette wheel.

'Hang on a minute, Mother...why does your care plan include me 'popping to the bookies' for you?'

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

'Twas the night after Christmas.

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'