Gambling Expert T-Shirts

'Medical Building Odds'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Dog in casino.

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

Casino. Keno. $$$. Win. Cashier. He sure wins a lot! He's "Keno Savvy."

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"Before we start, does anyone fancy a bet on the outcome?"

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

Destination casinos...

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Tonto Casino.

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

"It's lotto fever."

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'Do your homework! - You gotta learn math if you want to be a bookie!'

Unnatural Selection.

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll