Gambler's Best Friend Pillows

"Honey, the dog learned a new trick. And now I owe him twelve dollars."

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"Better luck next time, kid."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Worm Bed

"Have you been scratching this?"

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

Unnatural Selection.

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

Blackjack: free lemonade!

Gambling on office building construction

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Solitaire card shark.

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

"What do you recommend today?"

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

"He's in a high stake poker game right now."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'I think I'll raise.'

Monkey casino study.