Gallery Trips Gifts

Fin (The end).

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'Projectile painting.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

The Rise of Modern Art

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"That must be the artist over there."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Private Viewing

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"'Talent borrows, genius steals' - that's one of mine, too."

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

Francoise Gilot

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

Understanding art.

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"