Gallery Exploring Gifts

"That reminds me, I must buy a new shredder."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think he was a celebrity."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Culture Saturday

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

The Rise of Modern Art

Rodin's Browser

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Sun Flower.

Art Gallery.

The Cremaster Cycle

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Gallery book shop - Rodin's Browser

Private Viewing

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"That must be the artist over there."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

Francoise Gilot

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'You're no Pollock.'