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The Origins of Everything

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"The bagels are better in New York."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

Stuffing the turkey.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"It's made with real angel hair."

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

'Eat your lettuce. It'll put colour back in your cheeks.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'Are you sure you washed this salad?'

"I certainly hope you're composting the leftovers."

"All I've got left is smoked."

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

Geographical Society Christmas Dinner.

"I eat the genetically modified flounder all the time and it's delicious."

'Now watch and listen!'