Galactic Guide Gifts

'Your OTHER left, dummy!'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

Flyfishing for dummies.

"No, you're in the Milky Way galaxy."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Aren't these marshmallows just going to make us plumper for when the bears ultimately eat us?'

"All the celebrities come here."

'Sorry I'm late everybody,I got lost.'

Save our Planet.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

Enlightened Cursing

"Hungry? I'm ravenous, Norman, I could murder a lentil cutlet."

'This should succeed...it's not aimed at anything.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"You are here"

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Just bee."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

"I'm referring you to a specialist."