Future Slugger Pillows

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

The Giamatti era

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Baseball Dreams

Football Skills

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

"A little high and inside."

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

Combing Baseball and Violin Practice.

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

"You still need that recipe for boiling water?"

'This pitcher throws screwballs. Better hand me my 'special' bat.'

'It's not my fault that baseballs are juiced these days!'

"There it is Derek,....our nemesis!"

"He has the makings of a campion, Mrs. Simpson."

"What's more important to my success as a child, Dad - improving my batting skills or your dumb ol' window?"