Aspiring Slugger Pillows

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

The Giamatti era

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Baseball Dreams

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

Spin Dentistry...'Hollywood, here I come...'

'Jeff! You need to keep one foot on the ground!'

"I consider it an honor just to be sitting with someone who's thinking of becoming an actress."

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

"A little high and inside."

Always stick to the script.

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."