Future Police Officers Gifts

Kid in pedal police car pulling over a kid on a trike

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Family traits.

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Marine-LAPD Ridealongs

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

Excessive Paperwork

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"Your footage makes us dizzy so we're taking back your body camera, Officer Dancing Traffic Cop."

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

Fun with Fascism

'Certainly Madame - it's summer time!'

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

"No, that looks nothing like him. Were you even listening to me? Young man, are you on drugs?"

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

Introductory Police Training

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

Public unions.

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

Hey White People: Here's How You Can Learn Empathy for Blacks Who Get Shot by White Cops

Messing Up My Metrics

Find More Kids

'But, sweetheart, it's only for three hours. Just say you're bringing him in for loitering.'

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'