Future Pet Lover Gifts

"It doesn't need batteries, Billy. It's a real puppy."

Bitchbark Canoe

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"Pick me!"

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Cat woman shopping for cats.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

Canine Companion

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

Desert Island BBQ

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'Works every time.'

"First date hairball... awkward."