Future Film Director Pillows

'I'll never get to be a really cool criminal. My parents are too nice to me!'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Director/Action Man toy.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

Stand-up Romcom

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Yearbook

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Steve McQueen

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

This side is the gag reel.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

A prince needs to learn arithmetic because some day you may want to divide and conquer.

Jimmy Cagney.

Now Playing at the Europlex

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

"Gracie, what does a little girl like you wish for? I mean, besides being a doctor, a motivational speaker, a great parent and becoming president?"

Filming Christmas

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Which part are you reading for?"

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."