Furniture Warrior Gifts

A clown walks into his living room and sees a balloon animal scratching up the furniture

'You do nice work!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

In basket-case.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Overworked in the office

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Get... a-nother room!"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The Great Pyramid of Paperwork

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'I hate Mondays.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Dog eat dog.'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'