Furniture Assembly Specialist Gifts

"He's the best man in our cipher department, sir. Even we don't understand his stuff. He used to do assembly instructions for Ikea."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Fittd shēt

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Unfinished Funiture Store.

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Caveman invents an armchair and his dog sits in it.

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

An assortment of vegetables in the form of Tables

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Connect A2 to B3, insert D3 into E5....I hate flat packs!"

'It's a coffee-book table.'

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

The Piano Dreams Of Home

'Did they deliver the new couch today?'

Ok, now the Swedish mouse is just showing off. IKEA maze.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Well I have to go, my ride is here."