Furniture Arranging Pillows

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

'Donna has been taking FENG SHUI classes.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Interior design trends for parents....

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Doing the borders.

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Rose Garden

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

"The knights of the round accent table"

"Surprise!"

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Eco Princess

Fittd shēt

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

The Garden

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Plant Reference Library - Flowers/Trees.

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"I tell ya - if I ever stop moving, I'll die."

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"