Funny Homebody Juxtaposer Gifts

"Boy, am I glad I'm out on this expedition! If I were home, my wife would have me working in the yard!"

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

'Homepage Sweet Homepage'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"There goes our early night."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"Just the slippers is fine!"

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

We never roam anymore.

Amy Sedaris

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

The Drawbacks Of Working From Home

"5...4...3...2..."

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

Suggestion and 'outside-the-box' suggestions.

"I'm upstairs right now. On weekends and holidays, I go downstairs."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"No religious nuts!"

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

The bulb family leaves for vacation

octopus knitting a jumper...

"What?"